Fostering Family
by Sidney Steele
This project was originally completed as a class assignment April 21, 2019 and was revised for this website on November 15, 2023.
Kayin Butler
Foster parents know that the ultimate goal of care is to give children a safe, stable home until they are able to reunify the child with their biological family.
But for some children, after entering foster care, their family never looks the same as it did before.
Kathy Butler said before her son Kayin came into her home as a foster child, her family had no intention of ever adopting a child out of foster care. But when Kayin entered their home, it quickly became clear he was there to stay.
Kayin had been in foster care for nine months at the time he was placed in the Butler’s home. By then, his mother was no longer attending her supervised visits with Kayin.
“We knew it was probably heading towards adoption from the very beginning,” Kathy said.
The Adoption and Safe Families Act, a federal law that creates regulations for foster care, requires that the state move to terminate parental rights of the biological parent after a child has been in care for 15 months. This is in order to establish permanency for the child.
For Kayin, this process began six months after being placed in the Butler’s care.
When this process began, Kathy said Kayin’s biological mother, Nikki, did not fight it.
“I don’t think she had any way to get to the court hearings,” Kathy said.
Nikki said when the state began to terminate her parental rights, she believed Kayin was in a better place with the Butlers, and it would be better for him to give up her parental rights. Even if she wished Kayin could stay in her home, she understood that it would be better for both her and her son that he stayed with the Butlers permanently.
But, even after his adoption, Kathy and Kayin both still wanted to develop a relationship with Nikki.
Central Missouri Foster Care and Adoption Association spokeswoman, Tammy Rogers, said it is normal for an adopted child to wonder about their biological family, who they are and where they came from. She also said it is best to foster a relationship when the child is young, as long as it is safe and appropriate to do so.
“When they get older, they will have those questions. And I think during the especially the teenage years, if parents aren't willing to be open, that can lead to some rebellion,” Rogers said.
Kathy began checking on Nikki’s Facebook profile to see how she was doing. About a year after Kayin’s adoption she decided it was safe to send Nikki a message. After meeting Nikki herself, Kathy took Kayin to meet his biological mother.
Now, Kayin maintains a relationship with Nikki, who he affectionately refers to as his “tummy mommy.” They talk regularly on the phone, make visits to see each other, and Nikki even spent last Christmas with the Butlers in their home.
While his family may not look the same as it once did, Kayin is surrounded by the love of his parents and siblings in the Butlers' home, as well as his "tummy mommy."
Diana Campbell
Diana Campbell spent two years of her childhood in foster care. She and her sister Nancy were placed in a foster home together when Diana was 10 and Nancy was 4 years old.
For Nancy, being in foster care was a blessing. Her foster home gave her the stability her mother never did. She said for the first time, she had someone to make sure she was clean, fed and clothed.
Unfortunately, like many others who enter care at an older age, Diana does not have the same positive memory of her foster care experience. She said her foster homes did not help prepare her for life at all.
“Socially I was really inept, and I was failing in school. I was really struggling,” Diana said.
She returned to her mother’s home when she was 12. On her sixteenth birthday, she dropped out of school and left home.
Her experience is not uncommon among youth in foster care. Nationwide, only about half of the children raised in foster care finish high school, according to the National Foster Youth Institute.
Today in Mid-Missouri, the Central Missouri Foster Care and Adoption Association is trying to improve outcomes for children in foster care. Spokeswoman Tammy Rogers said their transitions program works to help youth in foster care get through high school and go to college. The program pairs youth who will be aging out of foster care with mentors to help them develop life skills, such as financial literacy, and a plan for their education and career.
“We really work with these kids to get them through high school and get them that diploma,” Rogers said.
Photo courtesy of Diana Campbell.
Diana Campbell stands with her grandsons Dustin, 13, and Kaiddyn, 14, after the hearing to become their legal guardian in 2016. Diana took guardianship of her grandsons because she did not want them to return to foster care while waiting for their mother to regain custody.
“I feel that if I had let them go back into foster care, they would have lost the connection to the family,” Diana says. “Having been in foster care myself definitely motivated me to keep them.”
Rogers said the organization also works to find kinship placements for youth in foster care. The Children’s Home Society of Missouri, a non-profit organization in St. Louis, reports that children in kinship care experience greater stability and less behavioral issues. Kinship placements also help solve for the shortage of foster homes in Missouri.
When looking for a kinship placement, “kinship” can refer to almost anyone with whom a child has a previous relationship, Rogers said. This could be extended family, a coach, or neighbor that has an established relationship with the child.
Diana said she is familiar with the issues caused by the lack of available foster homes. That is why when her step-grandsons were placed in foster care, she became their legal guardian.
“I think being in foster care myself motivated me to keep them,” Diana said.
She has used her experience as a child in foster care to make her aware of the opportunities and support she lacked, and to make sure her grandsons do not miss out on the same things she did.